Writer’s Block
Have you ever read “Do What you Love, the Money Will Follow” by Marsha Sinetar?
Torn binder and yellowed pages, my dog-eared copy sits next to my writing desk. Guiding me.
Sinetar was the OG follow your bliss guru - inspiring workers of all stripes to tap into their true calling. Cultivate their passion. Make time to listen. View money as simply an exchange of energy.
Horse before the cart.
I like the idea of CREATING and letting go of outcomes. But sometimes I get distracted. Who has time to create when I have bills to pay? Also, it’s easier to check email, scroll Facebook, binge-watch Netflix.
Sinetar devotes a whole chapter to this quandary -“The Big R called Resistance”.
“When faced with new opportunities, we resist acting as firmly and boldly as we could. As we resist, our personal pattern of avoidance comes into play. Some people grow confused. Others procrastinate decisions, or act in ways that greatly stall their best interests. If we wish to control and manage our resistant nature - a simple way to do this is to observe it objectively and without judgement when it shows up in our daily choices. Become an objective observer of yourself. Notice how you hold back on your own good and that of others.”
Kind of like monkey-mind in meditation. Acknowledge your Resistance. Hello, visitor. You’re a potential distraction from my path to fulfillment. Ok, I’ll indulge you for a while. Then I’ll get on with the business of writing, creating and commiting to my practice.
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HOW MY RESISTANCE APPEARS:
Let’s call her Gladys. She says, “It’s OK, Vic. You had a busy week. Just let yourself relax.” Next thing I know the sun has gone down and I’ve wasted hours chasing some idea online or consuming social media.
Crap.
I want to focus more on my own ideas. Write more. Listen to my SELF. Finally finish my memoir.
Sinetar on my shoulder like Jiminey Cricket, I decide to (gently) monitor my actions for a week. To simply observe my decisions, behaviors and outcomes and jot them down.
Monday and Tuesday I spend watching 4 episodes of Modern Family and listening to the entire “Bad with Money” podcast by Gabe Dunn. Of course I also go shopping, cut up vegetables, hit the gym and work with a few clients. But I do NO creative work for myself. I don’t meditate or even journal.
OUTCOME: Hours laughing at the crazy antics of Jay and Gloria. Fridge full of food. Fit body. Some income. Then more hours spent learning about budgeting towards retirement from Gabe.
FEELING: Flat. Weary. Bored. Frustrated.
Determined to flip the script, Wednesday morning (early), I ride up to Lake Forest on my motorcycle. Wind in my hair, smelling smoke from a fire in somebody’s back yard. Listening to Acid Jazz in my headphones. I arrive at the cherry-wood Starbucks, hole up in a corner booth and begin. My assignment? Write about your college years. Keep writing until you have nothing left to say.
Fueled by a double espresso, the ideas flow. My immersion into Feminism at the Beloit College Women’s Center. How creativity escorted me out of a destructive lifestyle. The courage it took to overcome my family’s messaging about who I could be/what I could do with my life.
OUTCOME: four paragraphs of immersive, raw writing. Storytelling. Engagement. Culling.
FEELING: cathartic, reflective, productive and exhausted. Painful and poignant at points, combined with this intense, purposeful energy and sense of satisfaction.
That two hours was exciting/scary. Hanging out with my Muse went against Gladys’ call to avoid myself. Wait! Am I really a writer? How fulfilling to watch as memories unfurled on the pages. JOY.
Perhaps Resistance acts as a buffer between who we know we can become and who we are today. Like a brake pedal that paces us when we feel we are moving too fast. Growth can feel out of control at times, but stagnation assumes we have all the time in the world. We don’t.
These days, my goal is to create more than I consume. To courageously show up for my Muse. Daily life feels like a distraction. Exploration is all I really want to do: think, reflect, write. Make sense of the past.
If you, dear reader, are in a place where your drive to write is greater than you fear, here’s my two cents. Next time Resistance tries to stop you from getting started, thank it for showing up. Maybe grab a snack and give it an hour or two. Then jump back into your practice with both feet. Put the phone on ‘airplane mode’. Tell your family and friends you’re in the lab. Pen to paper. Hands to keyboard. GO.
Sure, it’s exciting/scary. Finding your voice can feel disorienting, like visiting a new country. But I promise you’ll return home fulfilled, energized and ready for your next adventure.
